Elitist City-Dweller

"The Latest National Travesty" or "Where the Hell Have You Been the Last 2 Years?" or "Who Are You, Again?"

2009-09-09T18:06:00.004-05:00

Now, I've been sitting idoly by... I mean Idoly by (go Billy!) listening to this education nonsense from the President. Who does he think he is talking to school children. Since when do we let the President talk to school children. It just doesn't make any sense.

When I was just a kid and John Wayne was President, we never watched him on TV. Who knows what crap that man might have spewed out that could damage our little psycho kids... I mean our kids' psyches... I think that's what I mean. Tearing down Berlin walls and reducing nuclear missiles. If we had been force fed this crap, who knows what state we might be in today.

Now if we didn't let President Wayne into our schools, we shouldn't let the new President in either. I listened to his speech while at work... worst lunch hour I ever spent. The idiosyncrasies... I mean the idiocies that spewed forth from that man's mouth made me cringe. When he said, "at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed," I almost lost my lunch. What kind of society is this dude trying to push on us. Then, almost on the heels of his last outrageous statement, he said, "And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it." I was so furious with that dribble... drivel, that I had to get up and leave the office. (I stomped my feet really hard as I walked, too, just so they knew I was having a tantrum.)

I have a good mind to write to this so-called President and give him a piece of my mind. I sat down and read the rest of the speech later, punching my laptop monitor with each word. I read words like, "You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free." What kind of socialist agenda does he think he can pull here? Where would our drug companies be if we cured cancer or AIDS? Who would we talk about, make fun of, and look down on if there was no poverty and homelessness? I think this guy is out of control.

It was when he said, "Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future," that I completely lost my mind. I didn't sign any permission slips for my kids to listen to this crap. I couldn't restrain myself and threw my laptop across the room.

When I got back home with my new computer that I pulled out of an old Circuit City dumpster that hadn't been emptied in 8 months, I sat down to write this blog. I don't get to do this nearly as much as I want. Luckily I get to do it much more than most of my friends would prefer. So it evens out.

I think we've given this President too much leeway with those people we cherish and hold most dear to our hearts... the automakers... NO! I mean our children. What is meesa sayin'? Our children are our greatest asset and I don't want our President going anywhere near them. At one point, when he told my kids, they probably wouldn't become reality TV stars, you could see their little hearts breaking. Besides, I was counting their income from reality TV to support me in my old age. Oh well, I guess we're stuck with this lunatic for the next 5 years, or however long somebody gets to be President.

ECD

How Great We Art - Part II

2007-10-26T14:02:00.000-05:00

It seems like just yesterday when I was a globber... uh, blogger, talking about politics, society, and our ever-glorious history. Of course, yesterday was a day that lasted almost a year, with 24-hour cycles of sunlight and darkness and sleep and eating. But, nevertheless, it seems like just yesterday.

I've given a lot of thought to a glob... uh, blog I posted a while back about the history of the greatest empire to ever grace the face of the greatest planet to ever grace the face of the greatest solar system to ever grace the face of the greatest galaxy to ever grace the face of the greatest universe in the... uh, whatever comes after universe (I'm guessing multi-verse, but I'll go with whatever Weird Al Yankovic wants to call it.) That greatest empire is the United States of America, and what a history we've had. It seems like only yesterday we were chopping down cherry trees to build huts and sitting around having fireside chats with President J. Edgar Hoover (thanks for the Great Depression, buddy.) Alas, those glory days are gone.

Now we face a great crisis. (It amazes me how many times variants of the word 'great' have appeared in this glob so far. It just proves how great a nation we really are.) "What is that great crisis?" you may ask. The greatest crisis to face us in our nation's 5000 year history is war. "War," you say. Yes, war. It may not seem like much of a war, but 20 years ago it was a downright bloody, cut-throat war of a magnitude to gobble the mind... the Fast Food War. It's a war, quiet right now, but just waiting to erupt like a dormant volcano... or, maybe an active volcano. How about like a geeser. Maybe I mean a geyser. There are so many questions just begging to be answered by a call-to-arms. Char-broiled? Flame broiled? Grilled? Regular buns? Sesame seed buns? Biscuits? English muffins? Croissandwiches? Dead cow? Dead Angus cow? Dead chikin? Coke? Pepsi? Mountain Dew? Sprite? 7-Up? Slice? Fries? Onion rings? Hash browns? Hash rounds? Need I even mention those wonderful abhorrations... wait, I think that's aberrations, those guerilla fighters of the fast food world, White Castle and Krystal? OMG, my head is spinning (kind of like Dame Linda Blair in "The Exorcist.")

The mainstream media would have you believe that the great American fast food joints are being friendly to one another, but that's their spin. If you want a no spin zone you can either choose Mr. O'Reilly's middle-of-the-road, moderate, un-biased, and fair take on things or you can choose the Elitist City-Dweller. You make the choice. Personally, I'd choose Mr. O'Reilly because I honestly don't trust myself to be objective like he is. But the only place to get the truth about the Fast Food War II (O'Reilly won't touch this one with a 10 foot pole) is right here.

Whew! I'm sorry I had to do that, but it had to be done. It's not easy airing dirty laundry in a public forum like this, but the topic is so important. I even went back on my word and didn't discuss General Washington or John Adams. Okay, I guess this constitutes discussing them, but I didn't really go into any detail about them. I'm sure, however, we'll be inundated with information about these two men as the current race for president heats up over the next year. My money's on John Adams, by the way. He's a little bit of a bitter pill, but what a genus... or genius... or genious... whatever, a really smart guy.

God that was painful.

With greatest reverence,
ECD

"I Am... I Am... I Am Superman, And I Can Do Anything"

2007-01-02T23:59:00.000-05:00

Name the artist/group who sang the musical line from the title above.

My better half, Soo, has a new "minor" hobby, taking personality quizzes. I don't know why, because she always winds up being a Grand Moff Tarkin for her Star Wars twin or a Ted Bundy for her serial killer twin... or something like that. However, she continues to take these quizzes, always discovering some new side of herself, and I think it's great. They're often humorous, despite really being a reflection of how you see yourself.

Every now and then, I pull myself away from my Second Life and have a little fun, myself. I decided to take these recent quizzes, to see what super-hero, and infinitely more interesting, what super-villain I am. My results are listed below.

I am Superman

You are mild-mannered, good, strong
and you love to help others.

Superman		70%
Spider-Man		65%
Green Lantern		60%
Hulk		60%
Wonder Woman		55%
Batman		55%
Supergirl		45%
Robin		37%
Catwoman		30%
The Flash		30%
Iron Man		20%

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I am Riddler

Riddle me that, riddle me this,
who is obsessed with
having a battle of wits??

Riddler		53%
The Joker		51%
Lex Luthor		41%
Two-Face		40%
Mr. Freeze		39%
Venom		39%
Poison Ivy		30%
Dr. Doom		26%
Dark Phoenix		25%
Magneto		25%
Juggernaut		24%
Mystique		20%
Catwoman		19%
Green Goblin		16%
Kingpin		16%
Apocalypse		13%

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

If I had to be any super-villain it would be Riddler. Although, I do resent the fact that I match up to 40% of Two Face. I guess that's the Gemini in me.

Enjoy having a few laughs at my expense,
ECD

My Life Is Over... On to My Second Life

2006-12-17T10:23:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, a guy at work mentions this "game" called Second Life. It's a virtual Sims-like place where you can wander around aimlessly for hours interacting with other Sims. If you want to own land in the game, you can do that, and you can make money in the game that can be exchanged for real honest-to-god hard cash, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. I thought I'd probably never really check it out.

I had a few projects going on at the time, including a virtual D&D-style game called Eternal Lands. It was fun. It was free. And it was occasionally a long arduous task to increase my character's harvesting or manufacturing skill that I'd get tired and turn it off from time-to-time and work on my other projects. Then I began listening to a podcast by a guy named Mark Forman: Mark Forman's Getting a Leg Up Podcast. It was enjoyable music, with a definitely intercontinental feel to it, and sometimes Mark would throw in little stories to throw in a little twist. Mark Forman also happened to be an avid Second Life (SL for us addicts) participant, going so far as to post "pictures" of his adventures in SL. Every-so-often there would be a picture of a bunch of avatars dancing at a club or hanging out. I became even more intrigued and decided to go see what all the hullabaloo was about.

The first time I logged on to SL, I thought, "this is kinda cool, but a little boring." The first time logging in you're supposed to develop your avatar's look and clothes, etc. I couldn't even see my avatar. It was some glitch in the system, but all I could see was a disembodied name floating around this bizarre new CGI world. So I logged off and went back to my First Life.

Sometime later, I decided to give it another try. It was better. At least I could see myself this time. But I was stuck on some Help/Tutorial Island with all these newbies (as I was, myself). It was dull. So I logged off and went back to my First Life... again.

After hearing Mr. Forman mention SL several more times, I decided to go back in and give it one last chance. This time I found that I could teleport to other areas. I finally found the Muse Isle that Mark Forman had mentioned a couple of times, and I experienced my first live concert event. I could feel the hook. For someone who loves music, a lot of music in a plethora of styles, especially live music, this was like my first free dose of pure cocain. Gimme more!

Since that time, like a dutiful addict/pusher, I've been telling my friends about SL. Little by little, they are logging on and losing their First Lives, just like I've lost mine. All hail Cyberpunk!

My wife seems to have taken exception to my spending so much time in my new life.
At least, the way her mouth moves looks like she's yelling at me. I'm not sure what she's saying since I'm wearing headphones and listening to the likes of Mel Cheeky, her accoustic guitar and her Welsh accent, or the electric blues of JimmyT46 Duker. Sometimes I'll spend an hour or so at Phreak Isle playing a little SL streaming trivia, or even make a few Linden dollars (L$ for us addicts) dancing at a club.

So, if my posts to this blog slow down even more than before, sorry. I gotta have my fix.

Episode IV: A New Probe

2006-12-03T20:31:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I last posted. All of my fans have, undoubtedly, been worried about me. I'm sure you will understand, however, when I explain that I was abducted by aliens and subjected to several weeks of probes and tests.

The most interesting and telling of these tests I was given was perhaps the Star Wars twin test.
Click to see my Star Wars Twins!!

Enjoy perusing the pop culture manifestation of my psyche and, in case you're interested, you can also check out So Soo Me's Star Wars Twins, as well as Beav's Twins.

They'll be back,
ECD

Cheney, Champion of "No-Brainers"

2006-10-29T21:40:00.000-05:00

The government of our great land was only looking out for our best interests when they signed into law the recent suspension of habeas corpus for our "guests" at Guantanamo Bay. I don't know why people can't see that in order to protect our liberties we have to give up those liberties. Just think of how few murders there would be if we were not allowed to interact with each other or how little theft there would be if we were forbidden to leave our homes. Our government is only trying to get us to this state of perfection.

In the spirit of protecting our liberties, Vice President Dick Cheney recently endorsed the dunking of our Guantanamo "guests" in water to elicit information from them. He called it a "no-brainer." People may complain that the Vice President's words are an endorsement of torture, but make no mistake, this administration is filled with experts on "no-brainers." If the VP says it's a "no-brainer" then it must be something which does not require a brain. Come on, folks, isn't this water thing just a trumped up swirly?! What do you want next, start punishing high school bullies?

Human rights organizations or, as I like to call them, squirrley little tattle tales, obviously don't care one whit about our liberties. They have decried the VP's words as an endorsement of torture, but they don't know what they're talking about. The VP said, "We don't torture," and he should know, since he helped write the definition of torture. Obviously, the human rights folks need to get clarification from our current leadership on what torture is before they go around willy nilly accusing people of it.

ECD

Steven Wright-On!

2006-10-23T23:37:00.000-05:00

Steven Wright is hilarious...

"I'm addicted to placebos. I'd quit but it wouldn't matter."

Just thought I'd share that
ECD

2006-10-20T07:27:00.000-05:00

I was reading a report from (name of publication) today about how (name of asshole world leader) apologized recently for (something stupid the world leader did). Well I say (expletive) !!! Any (rude word to call someone) dumb enough to (same stupid thing) without at least running it past his neighbors deserves to get the (bodily waste by-product) kicked out of him. Of course, (same asshole world leader) blames the US, when the rest of the world is just as outraged at his stupidity. Suck it, (same world leader) !!! And the next time you decide to (same stupid thing), stick it up your (bodily orifice) first.

(complimentary close)
(signature of Elitist City-Dweller)

Habeas Corpus Emptor - Beware of Corpses!

2006-10-19T20:38:00.000-05:00

A recent bill that's been signed into law suspends the centuries old rule of Habeas Corpus, which just sounds gross and I think has something to do with necrophilia. Why people want to produce corpses, I don't know, but this article by Roger Runningen at Bloomberg, Bush Signs Law Creating Tribunals for Terror Suspects (Update2) seems to be all up in arms about it.

Now I've seen most of the zombie movies, and there's no denying that re-animated dead people are as much a threat to our way of life as global warming, the decrease in the numbers of pirates, and online poker. Who wants their brains eaten by some crazed, mindless creature, or to have all their money taken online by some crazed, mindless creature. I sure don't. But, I think this smoke screen of zombie-ism is just meant to distract us from an even more serious problem, the signing away of our basic human rights.

A component of the "Corpse" Bill is that our government can now arrest us and hold us indefinitely, without giving us a trial. Then, when they feel like they have time and/or evidence, they can bring us to trial... or not. To emphasize the necessity of this law, while this bill was being signed, more than a dozen people were arrested while demonstrating at the White House, chanting, "stop torture" and other slogans. I'm sure these protesters will be brought to trial for their actions... someday.

In the meantime, watch out for those zombies...
ECD

Kittens Vs Masturbation

2006-10-17T09:11:00.000-05:00

The other day, my wife told me about this euphemism where masturbating is referred to as killing kittens. Check out the "Urban Dictionary" definition here: Kill Kittens. So, when she saw an article on "Obscure Store" titled "Principal resigns after shooting orphaned kittens," she assumed it was some reference to a school principal who got caught "spanking the monkey" at school.

Of course, once she read the article she discovered that the man had actually killed kittens. It prompted me to ask my wife, "If every time you masturbate God kills a kitten, does the opposite hold true? Every time you kill a kitten, does God masturbate?"

If killing kittens is a hobby of yours, you should see the movie "Gummo," which is not about killing kittens but has a kitten killing story arch at one point. For those of you more into masturbation, you might want to check out the "American Pie" movie series.

Trivia: On 26 July 1991, Pee Wee Herman was arrested for masturbating during a screening of several adult movies. That day, approximately 10,959 cats were euthanized, not to mention the unreported thousands that died at home or in the wilderness. Thanks, Pee Wee. [Euthanization numbers guesstimated for dramatic effect.]

Meow,
ECD

How Great We Art - Part I

2006-10-14T23:13:00.000-05:00

I've had the privilege of studying a glut of history in my lifetime. (Does that make me a glutton?//Brad Pitt pulls ECD's head out of a giant plate of spaghetti// BTW, see Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.) Sorry... that's what you might call a stream of conciousness randomly activated blather, or a SOCRAB (an as yet undiagnosed illness for which there is no cure). Back to the subject at hand. As much as all history fascinates me, American history, is an especially poignant pleasure for me. (I'm not sure what 'poignant' actually means, like Bill O'Reilly probably doesn't really know what 'opine' or 'pithy' mean, but, like Bill, I use it anyway.) American history is kind of a hobby within a hobby, I suppose. So I would like to share a few of my observations about how we became such a great nation.

First, I'd like to remind everyone that the United States was begun as a refuge for poor, persecuted Christians, escaping from Buddhist tyranny that spread throughout the world more than 2000 years ago. From the time Jesus first sailed the Santa Maria to these shores, led the pilgrims from Atlantic City to San Francisco, and delivered the Bible to Judge Roy Moore to be the supreme law of the land (probably by Western Union, like Doc did for Marty McFly at the end of Back to the Future II), our course was set. We would not rest until "In God We Trust" was printed on all our currency.

In the early years our nation saw many hardships for the pioneers, who often suffered mistreatment at the hands of merciless warlords and shoguns. (For examples of pioneer life, see The Village, and Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. The Patriot is also entertaining, but its historical accuracy is highly suspect. Sorry, did I say entertaining? Strike that part, but the rest is accurate... or highly suspect... or... Can't remember where I was going with this.) This centuries old practice was shattered when the shackles of repression were thrown off through the efforts of our two greatest warriors: William Wallace and Benjamin Franklin. Both men were drawn and quartered and beheaded, but their valiant efforts will never be forgotten. We would do well to emulate these martyrs.

[Join me soon for my next SOCRAB, in which General Washington leads the Charge of the Light Brigade and John Adams utters that in-famous (meaning "more than famous") phrase, "Et tu Brute."]

Til our future finally gets here,
MEC-D

I'm smarter than you are... nya nya nya nya nya!

2006-10-11T20:18:00.000-05:00

As my family and I were out driving one day, my youngest daughter asked if a woman could be president. My oldest daughter told her there was no law against it, but that there had never been any female presidents. (Isn't it great when your kids start teaching each other and you don't have to think anymore. SWEET!) Anyway, I promptly spoke up and said that was probably because men were smarter than women.

I don't know why this type of honesty seems to infuriate women so much. Finally, VINDICATION! A doctor has recently given us the scientific proof we men need to seal our dominance of the thinking world. The title of the article, "Men Smarter Than Women, Scientist Claims" by Jeanna Bryner from Health SciTech, says it all. All I have to say to all you women is (insert raspberry here).

The article said something about brain size and something about gender and something called the "G-factor". I don't really know what a "G-factor" is but anything that starts with "G" is pretty cool: "G-spot," "G-string," "G chord." To tell you the truth, I didn't understand all the technical stuff. It all made my head spin trying to figure it out. Anyway, men are smarter than women.

Don't take it too hard, though. In time, women may evolve to become as smart as men or at least come to accept their second place status in the world of thought. Just bear in mind the words of one member of the smarter gender, "The future will be better tomorrow" (former Vice President J. Danforth Quayle).

I told you so
ECD

Foley-er Than Thou

2006-10-11T19:11:00.000-05:00

Since the recent criticism of the congressman formerly known as the Honorable Mark Foley began, I've been outraged at the denigration of one of the leaders of our Great Society. This is (or was) not just another American citizen, but one of the elite, one of our congressmen, our very own untouchables. These men and women were hand-picked by God for these positions of trust, authority, and domination, and our very souls should be in mortal peril just for uttering their names, much less criticizing their conduct.

Mark Foley was only following in the footsteps of many great, though maligned, Americans of the past: Pee Wee Herman, James I, Caesar, and Jupiter, who not only courted Io, Europa, and Callisto, but also made love to his young male cup-bearer, Ganymede. Who are we to trample on these fine American traditions? Apple pie, anyone?

Whoever said, "Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony," obviously never had a golden shower from one our own congressional demi-gods... or is that demagogue? Oh well, that's power!

And that's all I have to say about that.
ECD

All Hail the New Carry Nation!

2006-10-09T22:30:00.000-05:00

Being an elitist city-dweller, I would never stoop so low as to gamble, especially in the most base and vile of locations... the internet. Who are these people, these dregs of society, who believe they should have the right go on the "Web" and throw their money away. I guess if they wanted to live in a free society, they should have thought of that before they were born here in this one. I say, "WHATEVA!"

I've read a blog or two about this so called "problem," from The Beav to Bill's Blog, and I can't see what they're complaining about. We live in a great nation that is founded on the principle that only a small percentage of the population is capable of making decisions and dictating morals. What kind of state would be in now if George Washington and Thomas Jefferson had not lobbied against and eventually outlawed hemp cultivation? Where would we be if not for the greatest of all the constitutional amendments, number 18. If some great men had not stepped in and made the "manufacture, sale" and "transportation of intoxicating liquors" illegal, our great nation would be in a sad state today.

All hail the new Carry Nation, who carries forth her weapon of not-so-mass destruction (though very intimidating) and waves it as a banner in the faces of the heathen bastards who strive to bring our Great Society to ruin! Money lenders! Heathens! Happy people! Blasphemers! (It's not technically blasphemy, but I felt like I needed one more exclamation and couldn't think of anything else.) If only our congressmen had been so bold as to take hatchets to a few computer monitors instead of passing a law. Now that would have been worth watching.

All I have to say to all you complainers, all you people who have nothing better to do than bitch that your "personal rights" are being taken away, is this... if you didn't want to be a citizen of a fascist state, you shouldn't have voted for members of the Fascist Party.

Duh!
ECD

To Pay or Not to Pay

2006-10-09T21:23:00.002-05:00

"To pay or not to pay?" That is a question some people have to ask themselves.

It is a question that former military officer Ralph Paul recently asked himself at a Florida restaurant, as reported in a St. Petersburg Times article.

I initially found this article on the "Obscure Store" where there were a lot of people complaining. I thought I would add my ten cents (that's ten cents instead of two because I'm a city-dweller, not some country bumpkin).

Some people, like this man, have dedicated their lives to the cause of war. He has ordered countless underlings to fight for his right not to pay his restaurant tab, to force taxpayers to pay for a 7-hour trial, to make a public point (useless though it may be). This man has been an officer in the United States Armed Forces. He should have the right to subjectively decide if there's enough seafood in his meal. He's not just some enlisted military man or a fast food worker or some civil service grunt! This man is on the verge of being a hero. We should all strive to emulate him and his heroic actions.

Besides, I loved his version of 'Hallelujah, It's Raining Men,' from quite a few years ago. That alone should let him off the hook.

Hoo-Ah!

ECD