Elitist City-Dweller

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

"The Latest National Travesty" or "Where the Hell Have You Been the Last 2 Years?" or "Who Are You, Again?"

Now, I've been sitting idoly by... I mean Idoly by (go Billy!) listening to this education nonsense from the President. Who does he think he is talking to school children. Since when do we let the President talk to school children. It just doesn't make any sense.

When I was just a kid and John Wayne was President, we never watched him on TV. Who knows what crap that man might have spewed out that could damage our little psycho kids... I mean our kids' psyches... I think that's what I mean. Tearing down Berlin walls and reducing nuclear missiles. If we had been force fed this crap, who knows what state we might be in today.

Now if we didn't let President Wayne into our schools, we shouldn't let the new President in either. I listened to his speech while at work... worst lunch hour I ever spent. The idiosyncrasies... I mean the idiocies that spewed forth from that man's mouth made me cringe. When he said, "at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed," I almost lost my lunch. What kind of society is this dude trying to push on us. Then, almost on the heels of his last outrageous statement, he said, "And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it." I was so furious with that dribble... drivel, that I had to get up and leave the office. (I stomped my feet really hard as I walked, too, just so they knew I was having a tantrum.)

I have a good mind to write to this so-called President and give him a piece of my mind. I sat down and read the rest of the speech later, punching my laptop monitor with each word. I read words like, "You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free." What kind of socialist agenda does he think he can pull here? Where would our drug companies be if we cured cancer or AIDS? Who would we talk about, make fun of, and look down on if there was no poverty and homelessness? I think this guy is out of control.

It was when he said, "Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future," that I completely lost my mind. I didn't sign any permission slips for my kids to listen to this crap. I couldn't restrain myself and threw my laptop across the room.

When I got back home with my new computer that I pulled out of an old Circuit City dumpster that hadn't been emptied in 8 months, I sat down to write this blog. I don't get to do this nearly as much as I want. Luckily I get to do it much more than most of my friends would prefer. So it evens out.

I think we've given this President too much leeway with those people we cherish and hold most dear to our hearts... the automakers... NO! I mean our children. What is meesa sayin'? Our children are our greatest asset and I don't want our President going anywhere near them. At one point, when he told my kids, they probably wouldn't become reality TV stars, you could see their little hearts breaking. Besides, I was counting their income from reality TV to support me in my old age. Oh well, I guess we're stuck with this lunatic for the next 5 years, or however long somebody gets to be President.



Friday, October 26, 2007

How Great We Art - Part II

It seems like just yesterday when I was a globber... uh, blogger, talking about politics, society, and our ever-glorious history. Of course, yesterday was a day that lasted almost a year, with 24-hour cycles of sunlight and darkness and sleep and eating. But, nevertheless, it seems like just yesterday.

I've given a lot of thought to a glob... uh, blog I posted a while back about the history of the greatest empire to ever grace the face of the greatest planet to ever grace the face of the greatest solar system to ever grace the face of the greatest galaxy to ever grace the face of the greatest universe in the... uh, whatever comes after universe (I'm guessing multi-verse, but I'll go with whatever Weird Al Yankovic wants to call it.) That greatest empire is the United States of America, and what a history we've had. It seems like only yesterday we were chopping down cherry trees to build huts and sitting around having fireside chats with President J. Edgar Hoover (thanks for the Great Depression, buddy.) Alas, those glory days are gone.

Now we face a great crisis. (It amazes me how many times variants of the word 'great' have appeared in this glob so far. It just proves how great a nation we really are.) "What is that great crisis?" you may ask. The greatest crisis to face us in our nation's 5000 year history is war. "War," you say. Yes, war. It may not seem like much of a war, but 20 years ago it was a downright bloody, cut-throat war of a magnitude to gobble the mind... the Fast Food War. It's a war, quiet right now, but just waiting to erupt like a dormant volcano... or, maybe an active volcano. How about like a geeser. Maybe I mean a geyser. There are so many questions just begging to be answered by a call-to-arms. Char-broiled? Flame broiled? Grilled? Regular buns? Sesame seed buns? Biscuits? English muffins? Croissandwiches? Dead cow? Dead Angus cow? Dead chikin? Coke? Pepsi? Mountain Dew? Sprite? 7-Up? Slice? Fries? Onion rings? Hash browns? Hash rounds? Need I even mention those wonderful abhorrations... wait, I think that's aberrations, those guerilla fighters of the fast food world, White Castle and Krystal? OMG, my head is spinning (kind of like Dame Linda Blair in "The Exorcist.")

The mainstream media would have you believe that the great American fast food joints are being friendly to one another, but that's their spin. If you want a no spin zone you can either choose Mr. O'Reilly's middle-of-the-road, moderate, un-biased, and fair take on things or you can choose the Elitist City-Dweller. You make the choice. Personally, I'd choose Mr. O'Reilly because I honestly don't trust myself to be objective like he is. But the only place to get the truth about the Fast Food War II (O'Reilly won't touch this one with a 10 foot pole) is right here.

Whew! I'm sorry I had to do that, but it had to be done. It's not easy airing dirty laundry in a public forum like this, but the topic is so important. I even went back on my word and didn't discuss General Washington or John Adams. Okay, I guess this constitutes discussing them, but I didn't really go into any detail about them. I'm sure, however, we'll be inundated with information about these two men as the current race for president heats up over the next year. My money's on John Adams, by the way. He's a little bit of a bitter pill, but what a genus... or genius... or genious... whatever, a really smart guy.

God that was painful.

With greatest reverence,

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

"I Am... I Am... I Am Superman, And I Can Do Anything"

Name the artist/group who sang the musical line from the title above.

My better half, Soo, has a new "minor" hobby, taking personality quizzes. I don't know why, because she always winds up being a Grand Moff Tarkin for her Star Wars twin or a Ted Bundy for her serial killer twin... or something like that. However, she continues to take these quizzes, always discovering some new side of herself, and I think it's great. They're often humorous, despite really being a reflection of how you see yourself.

Every now and then, I pull myself away from my Second Life and have a little fun, myself. I decided to take these recent quizzes, to see what super-hero, and infinitely more interesting, what super-villain I am. My results are listed below.

I am Superman

You are mild-mannered, good, strong
and you love to help others.

Green Lantern
Wonder Woman
The Flash
Iron Man

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

I am Riddler

Riddle me that, riddle me this,
who is obsessed with
having a battle of wits??

The Joker
Lex Luthor
Mr. Freeze
Poison Ivy
Dr. Doom
Dark Phoenix
Green Goblin

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

If I had to be any super-villain it would be Riddler. Although, I do resent the fact that I match up to 40% of Two Face. I guess that's the Gemini in me.

Enjoy having a few laughs at my expense,

Sunday, December 17, 2006

My Life Is Over... On to My Second Life

A few months ago, a guy at work mentions this "game" called Second Life. It's a virtual Sims-like place where you can wander around aimlessly for hours interacting with other Sims. If you want to own land in the game, you can do that, and you can make money in the game that can be exchanged for real honest-to-god hard cash, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah. I thought I'd probably never really check it out.

I had a few projects going on at the time, including a virtual D&D-style game called Eternal Lands. It was fun. It was free. And it was occasionally a long arduous task to increase my character's harvesting or manufacturing skill that I'd get tired and turn it off from time-to-time and work on my other projects. Then I began listening to a podcast by a guy named Mark Forman: Mark Forman's Getting a Leg Up Podcast. It was enjoyable music, with a definitely intercontinental feel to it, and sometimes Mark would throw in little stories to throw in a little twist. Mark Forman also happened to be an avid Second Life (SL for us addicts) participant, going so far as to post "pictures" of his adventures in SL. Every-so-often there would be a picture of a bunch of avatars dancing at a club or hanging out. I became even more intrigued and decided to go see what all the hullabaloo was about.

The first time I logged on to SL, I thought, "this is kinda cool, but a little boring." The first time logging in you're supposed to develop your avatar's look and clothes, etc. I couldn't even see my avatar. It was some glitch in the system, but all I could see was a disembodied name floating around this bizarre new CGI world. So I logged off and went back to my First Life.

Sometime later, I decided to give it another try. It was better. At least I could see myself this time. But I was stuck on some Help/Tutorial Island with all these newbies (as I was, myself). It was dull. So I logged off and went back to my First Life... again.

After hearing Mr. Forman mention SL several more times, I decided to go back in and give it one last chance. This time I found that I could teleport to other areas. I finally found the Muse Isle that Mark Forman had mentioned a couple of times, and I experienced my first live concert event. I could feel the hook. For someone who loves music, a lot of music in a plethora of styles, especially live music, this was like my first free dose of pure cocain. Gimme more!

Since that time, like a dutiful addict/pusher, I've been telling my friends about SL. Little by little, they are logging on and losing their First Lives, just like I've lost mine. All hail Cyberpunk!

My wife seems to have taken exception to my spending so much time in my new life.
At least, the way her mouth moves looks like she's yelling at me. I'm not sure what she's saying since I'm wearing headphones and listening to the likes of Mel Cheeky, her accoustic guitar and her Welsh accent, or the electric blues of JimmyT46 Duker. Sometimes I'll spend an hour or so at Phreak Isle playing a little SL streaming trivia, or even make a few Linden dollars (L$ for us addicts) dancing at a club.

So, if my posts to this blog slow down even more than before, sorry. I gotta have my fix.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Episode IV: A New Probe

It's been a while since I last posted. All of my fans have, undoubtedly, been worried about me. I'm sure you will understand, however, when I explain that I was abducted by aliens and subjected to several weeks of probes and tests.

The most interesting and telling of these tests I was given was perhaps the Star Wars twin test.
Click to see my Star Wars Twins!!

Enjoy perusing the pop culture manifestation of my psyche and, in case you're interested, you can also check out So Soo Me's Star Wars Twins, as well as Beav's Twins.

They'll be back,

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Cheney, Champion of "No-Brainers"

The government of our great land was only looking out for our best interests when they signed into law the recent suspension of habeas corpus for our "guests" at Guantanamo Bay. I don't know why people can't see that in order to protect our liberties we have to give up those liberties. Just think of how few murders there would be if we were not allowed to interact with each other or how little theft there would be if we were forbidden to leave our homes. Our government is only trying to get us to this state of perfection.

In the spirit of protecting our liberties, Vice President Dick Cheney recently endorsed the dunking of our Guantanamo "guests" in water to elicit information from them. He called it a "no-brainer." People may complain that the Vice President's words are an endorsement of torture, but make no mistake, this administration is filled with experts on "no-brainers." If the VP says it's a "no-brainer" then it must be something which does not require a brain. Come on, folks, isn't this water thing just a trumped up swirly?! What do you want next, start punishing high school bullies?

Human rights organizations or, as I like to call them, squirrley little tattle tales, obviously don't care one whit about our liberties. They have decried the VP's words as an endorsement of torture, but they don't know what they're talking about. The VP said, "We don't torture," and he should know, since he helped write the definition of torture. Obviously, the human rights folks need to get clarification from our current leadership on what torture is before they go around willy nilly accusing people of it.


Monday, October 23, 2006

Steven Wright-On!

Steven Wright is hilarious...

"I'm addicted to placebos. I'd quit but it wouldn't matter."

Just thought I'd share that