Elitist City-Dweller

Friday, October 26, 2007

How Great We Art - Part II

It seems like just yesterday when I was a globber... uh, blogger, talking about politics, society, and our ever-glorious history. Of course, yesterday was a day that lasted almost a year, with 24-hour cycles of sunlight and darkness and sleep and eating. But, nevertheless, it seems like just yesterday.

I've given a lot of thought to a glob... uh, blog I posted a while back about the history of the greatest empire to ever grace the face of the greatest planet to ever grace the face of the greatest solar system to ever grace the face of the greatest galaxy to ever grace the face of the greatest universe in the... uh, whatever comes after universe (I'm guessing multi-verse, but I'll go with whatever Weird Al Yankovic wants to call it.) That greatest empire is the United States of America, and what a history we've had. It seems like only yesterday we were chopping down cherry trees to build huts and sitting around having fireside chats with President J. Edgar Hoover (thanks for the Great Depression, buddy.) Alas, those glory days are gone.

Now we face a great crisis. (It amazes me how many times variants of the word 'great' have appeared in this glob so far. It just proves how great a nation we really are.) "What is that great crisis?" you may ask. The greatest crisis to face us in our nation's 5000 year history is war. "War," you say. Yes, war. It may not seem like much of a war, but 20 years ago it was a downright bloody, cut-throat war of a magnitude to gobble the mind... the Fast Food War. It's a war, quiet right now, but just waiting to erupt like a dormant volcano... or, maybe an active volcano. How about like a geeser. Maybe I mean a geyser. There are so many questions just begging to be answered by a call-to-arms. Char-broiled? Flame broiled? Grilled? Regular buns? Sesame seed buns? Biscuits? English muffins? Croissandwiches? Dead cow? Dead Angus cow? Dead chikin? Coke? Pepsi? Mountain Dew? Sprite? 7-Up? Slice? Fries? Onion rings? Hash browns? Hash rounds? Need I even mention those wonderful abhorrations... wait, I think that's aberrations, those guerilla fighters of the fast food world, White Castle and Krystal? OMG, my head is spinning (kind of like Dame Linda Blair in "The Exorcist.")

The mainstream media would have you believe that the great American fast food joints are being friendly to one another, but that's their spin. If you want a no spin zone you can either choose Mr. O'Reilly's middle-of-the-road, moderate, un-biased, and fair take on things or you can choose the Elitist City-Dweller. You make the choice. Personally, I'd choose Mr. O'Reilly because I honestly don't trust myself to be objective like he is. But the only place to get the truth about the Fast Food War II (O'Reilly won't touch this one with a 10 foot pole) is right here.

Whew! I'm sorry I had to do that, but it had to be done. It's not easy airing dirty laundry in a public forum like this, but the topic is so important. I even went back on my word and didn't discuss General Washington or John Adams. Okay, I guess this constitutes discussing them, but I didn't really go into any detail about them. I'm sure, however, we'll be inundated with information about these two men as the current race for president heats up over the next year. My money's on John Adams, by the way. He's a little bit of a bitter pill, but what a genus... or genius... or genious... whatever, a really smart guy.

God that was painful.


With greatest reverence,
ECD

2 Comments:

At 7:50 PM, Blogger Soo Mi said...

Are you talking about the Combo-meal pizza battle of 1835? Whew! That one was a doozy!

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Beav said...

My money's on Toxic Smell (or was that Taco Hell?). I hear they've got a gas attack!

 

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