Kittens Vs Masturbation

The other day, my wife told me about this euphemism where masturbating is referred to as killing kittens. Check out the "Urban Dictionary" definition here: Kill Kittens. So, when she saw an article on "Obscure Store" titled "Principal resigns after shooting orphaned kittens," she assumed it was some reference to a school principal who got caught "spanking the monkey" at school.

Of course, once she read the article she discovered that the man had actually killed kittens. It prompted me to ask my wife, "If every time you masturbate God kills a kitten, does the opposite hold true? Every time you kill a kitten, does God masturbate?"

If killing kittens is a hobby of yours, you should see the movie "Gummo," which is not about killing kittens but has a kitten killing story arch at one point. For those of you more into masturbation, you might want to check out the "American Pie" movie series.

Trivia: On 26 July 1991, Pee Wee Herman was arrested for masturbating during a screening of several adult movies. That day, approximately 10,959 cats were euthanized, not to mention the unreported thousands that died at home or in the wilderness. Thanks, Pee Wee. [Euthanization numbers guesstimated for dramatic effect.]


Meow,
ECD